|
|
Welcome to the August, 2001 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. If you have any comments or questions, feel free to email me at .
IN THIS ISSUE
>Procrastination and your inner brat
>Inner brats in the news
>News page on Innerbrat.com
>Inner brat tip of the month
>Distribution information
***************************************
Procrastination and your inner brat
***************************************
Well, summer is winding down. Was there something you had planned to do this summer, but never got around to? Were you going to read that epic novel that's been sitting on your shelf for months? Had you intended to finally get into shape? What happened to that home project that you were going to finish?
It's not too late. There's still more than three weeks left before Labor Day, the traditional end of summer in North America. If you've been procrastinating, you have plenty of company. Everyone has this problem at some time or other. While we joke about it and make light of it, it's not funny. Procrastination costs businesses and individuals billions of dollars each year, not to mention the mental anguish.
Contrary to what many people believe, most procrastinators are not lazy and irresponsible. They really want to get started, but when they think about it, there is psychological resistance. Think about the last time you were faced with a major (or even minor) project. Chances are you promised yourself that you would get to it "this weekend" or "next Monday." You probably felt better just making that promise to yourself.
But when the time rolled around you didn't do it, did you? Maybe you found an excuse why you couldn't get to it. For example, you didn't have the proper tools and the store was going to close soon. Or you had to take your son to soccer practice. Or perhaps you didn't feel quite up to getting started. . . . You get the picture.
There are two kinds of procrastination: the little tasks that we just don't feel like doing, like washing dishes, putting clothes away or returning phone calls. Then there are the big projects that seem too overwhelming to tackle at the moment.
What both of these kinds of procrastination have in common is that the avoidance of the task is "reinforced." That is, you think about doing it, then you find some excuse not to, and THEN you promise yourself that you'll get to it later. By making this promise you can almost convince yourself that you are still FEELING a sense of responsibility, even though it doesn't show in your behavior right now. This preserves your self-esteem. Research has shown that whenever a particular behavior makes you feel better (in this case avoiding the task but promising to do it later) it is likely to get repeated. This is why procrastination is often a never-ending cycle.
There is some difference in the nature of procrastination of small tasks versus major projects. With small tasks you don't usually question your ability to do it. Usually you "just don't feel like doing it."
When it comes to big projects, however, it is more than simply not wanting to exert yourself that keeps you from getting started. It is anxiety. When you think of getting all the papers together to prepare your income tax forms, or when you think of starting on that plumbing project or that term paper, deep down you worry whether you'll be successful. But as soon as you promise yourself that you'll do it for sure on Monday, voila! You feel better already. Nevertheless, the project still remains unfinished, and you'll have to face the same issue again soon.
What does procrastination have to do with the inner brat? Well, it's pretty obvious for the small tasks. Your inner brat doesn't feel like exerting itself. It's the little voice in the back of your mind that whines, "But I don't wanna . . . It's too much trouble . . . I don't feel like it . . ." If you are feeling particularly responsible, you might say to yourself (and your inner brat) "This really should get done." Then your inner brat will probably try to negotiate with you. For example, it will try to convince you that this is not the best time, or that you have something more important to do right now, or else that you'll get to it tomorrow FOR SURE. I don't even want to begin to count the number of times my inner brat has won this argument. But the consequences of leaving dirty dishes or of not ironing clothes are usually trivial.
On the other hand, the consequences of missing deadlines or of not fixing the plumbing can be pretty serious. When you procrastinate such projects, it's more likely that anxiety, rather than your inner brat, holds you back. But there is a way around this. If you break down a big project into small, manageable steps, it just becomes a series of little tasks, none of which is particularly overwhelming in itself. Now the procrastination is just a matter of dealing with your inner brat over small things, rather than having a vague sense of dread over something major. And you'll find that once you get started, that bratty voice in the back of your mind will settle down.
############################################
In my new book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior", you can learn more about the inner brat and how to control it. There are 3 ways to buy this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://innerbrat.com, or click here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1582700508/drwallincom-20/107-8603571-8089358 (if this link doesn't seem to work, highlight the whole link, including the part that wraps to the next line; then copy it and paste it to your browser URL window.)
~Order by telephone directly from the publisher toll-free: 800-284-9673
#############################################
******************************
Inner brats in the news
******************************
Bratty behavior is alive and well around the world. Every day people lose their tempers over something minor, file lawsuits for something that's their own fault, and make excuses that don't make sense.
Here are a few examples:
* Last week Montreal was the scene of a major case of road rage. After one car cut off another in traffic, the seven occupants of both cars got into a brawl, using golf clubs and crow bars. Police report that five of them were taken to a local hospital and treated for minor injuries to the head. Two men and one woman were charged with assault.
* In New York a 53-year-old man is suing a dating agency for $200,000, claiming that they made no attempt to find compatible dates for him. Never mind that they fixed him up with 11 different women all meeting the criteria he specified. (And, not surprisingly, all the women went back to the agency complaining that he was very negative.)
*Last month in Maine a 62-year-old man sued Rite Aid Corporation and a candy manufacturer. He blames them for the fact that he broke his dentures when he bit down on a stale jelly bean. Now he wants $9,000 to replace the dentures and to pay for his pain and suffering.
*********************************
News page on Innerbrat.com
*********************************
I have added a new page to my web site: Brats in the News. Read more stories of people whose self-centered attitude and overinflated sense of entitlement leads to destructiveness, violence and stupid lawsuits.
On this page there is also a place for you to share your own inner brat story. We'd like to hear about situations where you successfully tamed your own inner brat. Click on the link in the first paragraph and fill out the form (you need not give your name). Your messages will be forwarded to me personally, and I will post them anonymously. No names will be used. But we can all learn from each other when it comes to taming the inner brat.
See this page at http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml
*************************
Innerbrat tip of the month
*************************
When you find yourself procrastinating day after day, it's probably because you've spent too much time negotiating with your inner brat. If you truly want to get something done, make the task non-negotiable. Making promises to do it later only postpones the inconvenience anyway. Say to yourself: "It's going to take me 15 minutes now, or 15 minutes a week from now. If I get it done I'll be free of the burden." Chances are your inner brat will try to convince you otherwise. But remember: never, EVER negotiate with your inner brat when it comes to procrastination.
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
