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Welcome to this month's issue of the Inner Brat newsletter. What is
the inner brat? It's the seemingly irresistible, impulsive force inside
every one of us, that makes us say and do things we later regret. Bad
habits, problem tempers and other self-defeating behaviors and thoughts
are products of the inner brat.
A voice inside you screams, "I want it!" or "I can't stand it!" or "Why
me?!" Sound familiar? That's your inner brat. You can't get rid of
it completely, but you can learn to tame it.
This free monthly newsletter, written by a clinical psychologist with
over 28 years of experience, explains how the inner brat works, and
presents tips for putting you in charge of your inner brat.
To read past issues of this newsletter, visit
http://drwallin.com/newsletter/
NOTE: The inner brat is NOT a psychiatric diagnosis. If you are having
difficulty just getting through the day, this is more than just your
inner brat. In this case you are advised to consult a mental health
professional.
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Written and Published by:
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
Author, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating
Behavior"
http://www.innerbrat.com
Copyright 2003 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.
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Welcome to the February, 2004 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter.
Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it
to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is
to send a blank email message to innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com.
If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at
.
IN THIS ISSUE
> Pain, suffering and your inner brat
> Inner brats in the news
> How have you tamed your own inner brat?
> Inner brat tip of the month: If you “just can’t stand it”
> Distribution information
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Pain, suffering and your inner brat
************************************
If you’ve ever had a headache, sore muscles, aching feet or other pain,
you know that the experience is more than physical. It’s also
psychological. Pain makes you tired and irritable. It interferes with
focus and concentration. It can be all-consuming.
I’m not talking here about that brief, acute pain you get when you
accidentally bump into something or cut your finger. Those twinges are
over in a second. I’m referring to the more enduring pain that lasts
for hours. In some cases, such as with arthritis, fibromyalgia and
other medical conditions, it continues on and off for years.
No one knows exactly how pain is transmitted through the body. The
central nervous system is involved, and it is generally triggered by
some sort of injury or disease, but not always.
Furthermore, the degree of pain does not always reflect the extent of
injury. For example, many people with back pain have abnormal spinal
X-rays or MRIs, but a significant number of them do not. And many
people with spinal abnormalities suffer no pain at all.
There have been documented cases where people who lost a leg still felt
pain not at the stump, but where the amputated leg used to be.
Thus pain is very subjective and differs from one person to the next.
The actual suffering you experience is the psychological component of
pain.
The body and mind are intertwined, such that physical pain can put you
in a really bad mood. And this can unleash your inner brat, which can
leave you frustrated, short-tempered or steeped in self-pity. Not only
does this erode your own well-being; it undermines your relationships
with everyone around you – spouse, children, co-workers, friends.
That’s the bad news. But it’s not inevitable. Pain does grab your
attention. You can’t just ignore it. But you do have some control
over
how you experience it.
You may not be able to control the physical aspects of pain, but you
can
manage the psychological, experiential aspects.
Research has shown that stress, muscle tension and paying attention to
your pain can make it worse. Thus, learning how to relax and to
distract yourself from pain will help it recede into the background.
This is especially true for time-limited pain such as occasional
headaches, backaches and muscle cramps.
If you are too focused on how much you hurt, your inner brat will take
control. Not only will this make you more miserable than you already
are; your pain may also last longer than it normally would.
If you suffer from chronic pain related to a disease, you have extra
challenges. But it is possible to limit your suffering.
For more information on pain and what to do about it, see these helpful
websites:
1. The National Pain Foundation http://www.painconnection.org/
2. The American Academy of Pain Management
http://www.aapainmanage.org/info/Patients.php
3. The Pain Society http://www.painsociety.org/gen_public.htm
############################################
In my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming
Self-defeating Behavior," you can read more about how to manage your
moods.
There are 4 ways to buy this book:
~Visit your local bookstore
~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com
~click here to go to Amazon.com: http://shorterlink.com/?I5P5U1
-You can also order by telephone directly from the publisher (503)
531-8700. Ask for the "Friends and family" rate to receive a discount.
#############################################
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Inner Brats in the News
*****************************
A woman who broke a tooth after biting a partially crystallized piece
of
corn in a box of Frosted Flakes, is suing Kellog's, the maker of the
cereal. She claims that the "severe bodily pain and mental anguish"
left her unable to work for a period of time. She is seeking payment
for medical and legal expenses as well as for psychological damages.
=========================================================
Parents and their teenage basketball-player son caused a ruckus during
a
game. The son was involved in a fight with one of the other players.
The mother swore at one of the officials, and the father physically
attacked another, knocking him unconscious.
=========================================================
In a recent telephone survey of 1500 drivers 49% said they were the
target of threatening or rude behavior by other drivers. In a
different
survey of 1200 drivers only 20% of drivers admitted being rude
themselves. (Where did the other 29% go?)
=========================================================
For more stories about brats in the news visit my website
http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml
******************************************
How have you tamed your own inner brat?
******************************************
Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats.
Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to:
http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml
********************************************************
Inner brat tip of the month: If you “just can’t stand it”
********************************************************
In recent court testimony in the Martha Stewart trial, one of the
witnesses reported that Ms. Stewart had a fit over Merrill Lynch’s
telephone music on hold, and threatened to take her business elsewhere
if they didn’t change it.
If true, this was definitely an overreaction on her part. However, she
is not alone. It’s quite common for people to overreact to minor
annoyances. If you find that little things get under your skin and
trigger you inner brat, here are some tips:
1. Ask yourself if this will be a problem an hour from now. For most
petty annoyances, they will be history in a few minutes. Not worth
getting upset over.
2. Before you say, “Yes, but it’s the principle of the thing” ask
yourself, “Exactly what principle are you talking about?” If the issue
is that you shouldn’t have to be inconvenienced, this is not a
principle. This is a sense of entitlement, which means that your inner
brat has control over you.
3. The more you say to yourself that you “just can’t stand” something,
the more you will exaggerate the negative, and the worse it will seem.
Try minimizing its impact, e.g., by saying “I don’t like this. But I
CAN stand it, at least until I figure out a way to change it.” Then
notice how different you feel.
4. Make a decision about what you’re going to do about the annoying
situation. The decision may involve taking some action, or it may be
to
do nothing at all. As soon as you make the decision, you feel more in
control, even when you decide to do nothing.
5. Distract yourself from the annoyance. If it’s music on hold or
waiting in line, find something to read. If it’s your coworker’s
mannerisms, notice something positive about the person. If it’s
tiresome TV commercials or political campaign speeches, turn down the
volume or change the channel. Whatever the irritation, you can find
some way to prevent it from becoming the focus of your day.
Until next month,
Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
http://www.innerbrat.com
DISTRIBUTION INFORMATION: This newsletter may be quoted, reprinted, or
forwarded to others as long as the content is not changed and the
subscription, copyright, and contact information is included. If you would
like to post this newsletter on a website, please contact me for
permission at
NOTE: The content in this newsletter is for informational purposes
only. It is not intended as a substitute for personal consultation with a
professional, or as any type of psychological service.
Copyright 2003 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved.
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