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This free monthly newsletter, written by a clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience, explains how the inner brat works, and presents tips for putting you in charge of your inner brat. To read past issues of this newsletter, visit http://drwallin.com/newsletter/ Written and Published by: Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. Author, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior" http://www.innerbrat.com Copyright 2004 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved. ************************************************** Welcome to the January 2005 issue of the Inner Brat Newsletter. Welcome, new readers. If you enjoy this newsletter, please forward it to your friends and encourage them to subscribe. All they need to do is to send a blank email message to mailto:innerbrat-subscribe@topica.com. If you have comments or questions, feel free to email me at mailto:drwallin@drwallin.com. IN THIS ISSUE > One sentence you should commit to memory > Inner brats in the news > How have you tamed your own inner brat? > Inner brat tip of the month: Take a breather > Distribution information This newsletter is hosted by Topica.com. Topica may include advertisements for unrelated products. I have no control over these ads, but they do help pay for the expenses of distribution, which keeps the newsletter free of cost to you. ***************************************** One sentence you should commit to memory ***************************************** “Wouldn’t it be nice if there was an Easy Button for life?” This question is the tag line to a TV commercial by the office supplies store, Staples. The ad depicts people in various predicaments, including a bewildered boy called on by his teacher, a dad trying to change two babies’ diapers at the same time, and surgeons about to perform an unfamiliar procedure. Each of these people, at the critical moment, pushes a big button with the word, “Easy” written on it, to get them through a difficult situation. (Then, of course, you are reminded that doing business with Staples is easy.) This commercial got me thinking, “What if there were an Easy Button for my inner brat?” Just one zap, and it’s gone. I wish. Unfortunately there is no sure-fire way to banish the inner brat altogether. But there is one simple, yet powerful tool to stop the inner brat dead in its tracks, especially when you’re angry, fuming, pouting, embarrassed or feeling jealous. This tool is the following sentence: “It’s not about me.” Commit that sentence to memory. It’s going to come in handy: -- when people make sarcastic remarks -- when they don’t return your phone calls -- when they brag about themselves -- when they nag you -- when they don’t thank you for a gift or favor -- when they take advantage of you Zap. “It’s not about me.” All the situations listed above describe other people behaving in a critical, demeaning or inconsiderate manner. You may happen to be the brunt of their inner brats, but their behavior really reflects more about them than about you. Next time you are confronted with other people’s rudeness, remind yourself: “It’s not about me.” Make that sentence your “Easy Button.” How will this help? By voicing the sentence to yourself, you automatically shift perspective. Your attention is diverted away from you and your hurt feelings, so that you can be more objective, and less prone to overreacting. You remain cool-headed. Your inner brat has little chance of taking over and ruining your day by dwelling unnecessarily on the situation. “It’s not about me” works most of the time to calm you down when feeling hurt or insulted. Occasionally, however, you might need something extra to help shift your perspective. If so, follow up with this question: “Would I expect anything else from this person?” Your answer will likely be “No, such behavior is quite characteristic of this person.” Once you shift your perspective, decide what you’re going to do about the other person’s rude remark or behavior. That will vary, depending on the situation and the person. In any case, just the act of making a decision will reinforce your feeling in control -- even if the decision is to do nothing. Now that you are armed with your own new Easy Button, you are well prepared to keep other people’s inner brats from triggering your own. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Need a speaker for your next conference, luncheon meeting, or event? Send an email to: drwallin@drwallin.com or call me at 717-761-1814 for more information. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ############################################ The second edition of my book, "Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-defeating Behavior," (2004) gives you more tips on how to deal with other people’s inner brats. There are 3 ways to buy this book: ~Visit your local bookstore ~Order online from my web site, http://www.innerbrat.com ~click here to go to Amazon.com: http://shorterlink.com/?I5P5U1 ############################################# ***************************** Inner Brats in the News ***************************** A man is suing NBC for $2.5 million, claiming that the TV show, "Fear Factor," made him dizzy, lightheaded and nauseous, such that he bumped into a doorway - causing him "suffering, injury and great pain. " The episode in question features contestants eating rats mixed in a blender. The man says the main purpose of his lawsuit is to "send a message" to the network, and that he didn't really expect to win the case. However, he would not give interviews to the press unless he was paid. ======================================================= There has been an increase in complaints about doctors in Australia losing their tempers, and taking it out on patients and staff. Reports include abusive language, throwing things, punching walls and even occasional physical assaults resulting in criminal charges. Professional medical associations attribute these behaviors to long work hours and overwhelming demands on physicians. ======================================================= A meter maid was writing a parking ticket for a vehicle illegally parked in a loading zone. The driver, who was leaving Starbucks with a cup of hot coffee, wouldn't accept the ticket and threw the coffee in her face. After being arrested he claimed he had accidentally spilled the coffee when he slipped on some ice. ======================================================== For more stories about brats in the news visit my website http://www.drwallin.com/news.shtml ************************************** How have you tamed your own inner brat? ************************************** Read stories of people who are working on taming their inner brats. Contribute your own story. You can remain anonymous. Go to: http://www.drwallin.com/innerbrat_contrib.shtml ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Inner Brat Coaching Available! I now offer individual coaching by telephone. If you want ongoing, personalized guidance on how to keep your inner brat from interfering with your life, contact me for a free, no-obligation introductory consultation. Just send me an email: drwallin@drwallin.com or call me at 717-761-1814 to arrange a time that’s convenient for you. We will explore your issues and discuss how you can benefit from Inner Brat coaching. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ************************************************ Inner brat tip of the month: Take a breather ************************************************ Getting upset is not just mental. It’s also physical. Your body reacts with stress symptoms, including a rise in blood pressure and heart rate, muscle tension, and shallow breathing. Mentally, your thought processes become rigidly focused on what has upset you. Needless to say, this interferes with your ability to deal with the problem in a logical, cool-headed way. Next time you get upset, take some slow deep breaths while reminding yourself, “It’s not about me.” You will calm your body as well as your mind, making it easier for you to keep that inner brat under control. Until next month, Pauline Wallin, Ph.D. http://www.innerbrat.com DISTRIBUTION INFORMATION: This newsletter may be quoted, reprinted, or forwarded to others as long as the content is not changed and the subscription, copyright, and contact information is included. If you would like to post this newsletter on a website, please contact me for permission at mailto:drwallin@drwallin.com NOTE: The content in this newsletter is for informational purposes only. It is not intended as a substitute for personal consultation with a professional, or as any type of psychological service. The inner brat is NOT a psychiatric diagnosis. If you are having difficulty just getting through the day, this is more than just your inner brat. In this case you are advised to consult a mental health professional. Copyright 2004 Pauline Wallin. All rights reserved. |
